It starts with S and ends with X

The parent education topic down at the nursery school tonight is “Pr*sch**lers and S*x.”

(Pardon my awkward hiding of that “forbidden phrase,” but the last thing I need are more crazy Googlers ending up here. My post years ago about toddlers without clothing at the beach is still my second most popular hit, after Krispy Kreme wedding cake.)

If ever there were a lecture topic in need of an explanatory subtitle, this is it. What are we talkin’ here, How to avoid being walked in on? Or Yes, all toddlers grab down there?

If it’s just the sex ed talk — preschool style — then we’ve already gone there, thanks to some great construction paper cutouts:

Nice tongue

Good boy.

Or it could be the scary version of the sex ed talk — how to find the right words to convey the scary-as-hell stuff that adults and other kids perpetrate out there in the big world. In that case, I’m just as happy that I conned my wife into going tonight.

Here’s the sex talk I really need, though: how can I entice Fern into playing more generally with the boys? In a vague theoretical way she likes the way her boy-friends play, kicking a ball around and knocking down towers, but in practice she’s already firmly attached to everything she glorifies as “girl,” and rejects everything tainted by the concept of “boy.”

I expect that particular sex talk isn’t on the agenda, though — and it’s a lot more challenging than (forgive me) the nuts and bots one.