Down With Princesses: Eight More Things I Never Thought I’d Say

  1. “Did you know that fairy princesses grow up to be wicked witches?”
  2. (During a bath.) “I have to run into the bedroom for a minute. Keep talking so I’ll know you haven’t drowned.”
  3. “If you ever date someone who drives an Escalade, I’ll disown you.”
  4. “I’ll love you almost as much if you have an outie.”
  5. “Who told you that I care what’s fair?”
  6. “My hands are full so I can’t talk to your imaginary friend on the banana phone right now. Can you put it on speakerphone?”
  7. “If you don’t eat breakfast, Santa comes back and takes your presents.”
  8. “If you really want to be a makeup artist, you have to learn not to kick your clients in the crotch.”

These are all true, as were these way back when. I’m a bad dad.