I’m sure there’s a word in German for this feeling

I just heard an ambulance arrive on the street above ours. I was immediately and involuntarily visited by a sharp desire that it was coming for the guy who yells at his kids.

Then I had the horrible thought that it might be coming for the kids, and that somehow that would be my fault for having thought that first horrible thought.

Then I thought I should hope that the ambulance wasn’t coming for anyone at all.

But then I thought that it had to have come for someone or it wouldn’t have come, so maybe that first thought about it coming for the abusive guy wasn’t such a bad thought after all.

I should sleep more.

Update: I just learned from a dog-walking neighbor who was passing that the ambulance had come to tend a minor injury at the construction site in the park across the street from the abusive guy.

Now I feel relieved, disappointed, and righteous all at once.