I need your similes! You get free manly books!

Father’s Day’s a-comin’, and I’m basking it it. First they put me and Boo on the cover of a magazine, then I get all sorts of suggestions for stuff I can put on the ol’ blog now that the big day is coming up! Most of the suggestions, as you can imagine, bite the big one (“You can tell your readers how much you love our foaming lather!”), but in this case a publisher is offering five of my loyal readers (and isn’t that a bizarre sensation) complete sets of their “manly” book list.

That’s right: win my little contest and you’ll get all eleven of the below-sketched books in your mailbox!

The Contest

So here’s the contest: I’m trying to write a song for my lovely wife Working Mom for our upcoming anniversary, but I need your input. Similes! Metaphors! Hyperbole would be great! Judging will be based on originality (no “your eyes are as blue as limpid pools”), poetic economy (gotta fit it into a song), and romantic goofiness (it’s me, after all). I’m looking for words to win her over, people!

Limit one literary device per person, please: I’m writing a song, not an epic ballad. And did I mention: the five winners get eleven books! The deadline is midnight of Father’s Day, of course.

(Sadly, U.S. and Canadian addresses only. Sorry! I’ll send the rest of you a pretty San Francisco postcard if you want?) 

The Prizes

Here’s the library you winners will be receiving: 

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Sports

  1. Living on the Black: Two Pitchers, Two Teams, One Season to Remember By John Feinstein. Read an Excerpt here.
  2. The Last Real Season By Mike Shropshire. Read an Excerpt

Military & History

  1. Lone Survivor By Marcus Luttrell. Chapter Excerpt * Available in Audio format
  2. A Tale of Two Subs By Jonathan McCullough. Watch the Video View Photo Gallery
  3. A Terrible Glory By James Donovan. Chapter Excerpt
  4. The Training Ground By Martin Dugard. Read an Excerpt

Memoir

  1. The Film Club By David Gilmour. Chapter Excerpt

Fiction

  1. The Whole Truth By David Baldacci. Read an Excerpt * Available in Audio format
  2. Child 44 By Tom Smith. Visit Child44book.com Read a Chapter Excerpt * Available in Audio format
  3. The Adventures of Slim & Howdy By Kix Brooks, Ronnie Dunn. Read an Excerpt

For Fathers-to-be:

  1. The Dudes’ Guide to Pregnancy By Bill Lloyd , Scott Finch.