A San Francisco stay-at-home dad getting the hang of things.
And I Used To Be So Gruntled: Three Lost Days From My Life as a Stay-at-Home Dad
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It’s been a rough week.<br /> (<a href="http://mikeadamick.com" target="_blank">Mike</a> took this photo, by the way.)</td> </tr> </table>
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I was well into my 30s when I became a father, so you could say I’d grown up a bit. My pre-Boobaby days have faded under a sea of poopy diapers, but in what little memory I have of those halcyon days, I recall feeling really <em>comfortable</em> with just about everything. Not “in control” — I worked with kids and animals, so I was never “in control.” No — more like “confident”: I competently met every challenge that my childless life threw up at me, most of the time.
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I was always on kilter.
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I felt ept at everything.
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I woke up gruntled every day.
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The last three days have been off kilter, inept, and disgruntled. And, I should add, not very kempt or gainly, either.
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I am loathe to go into details because I hardly remember any. The images swimming around in my mind from this week are…
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Baby not sleeping.
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Arguments with Working Mom about housework, respect for my “work,” and god knows what else.
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Hunger. Not taking time to feed myself well.
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Worry about moving.
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Falling asleep on the kitchen floor. Yeah, that was intelligent.
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…and, the kicker…
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Running out of coffee.
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<em>In which I use the word “ginormously” again…</em>
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Now, in those pre-baby days, I would have been able to handle any one of those things without a blink. Toddlers magnify trivial challenges ginormously. I think it’s simply a matter of accumulation: a little lost sleep isn’t that big a deal, but when it happens every night for a week, well, that’s something. Behind on the laundry? That used to be a task for a couple of hours on a Sunday; now it’s a three-day epic, and by the time I’m done, the hampers are full again.
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So you see, I’ve been desolately tired, haggard, strained, and starved for the past few days. There have been bright patches I’ve wanted to write about — a lovely hike with <a href="http://www.mikeadamick.com" target="_blank">Mike and Emmeline</a>, for example — but I’ve been prevented by my overall exhaustion.
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I’m disappointed in myself. I feel like a yogurt cup Boobaby smashed under her foot at the playground: helpless, wasted, and a little gross. Babies are hard, parenting is hard. Having a life-long relationship with another person is hard. And all those things are incomparably wonderful, too. Going through a stormy patch doesn’t mean there’s no calm port ahead: it just means that the sailing gets tough for a little while.
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What a crappy week. I should try not to be so domitable.
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