My Daughter Proves Once Again That I’m Her Monkey

Boobaby has lost interest in blackberries unless they’re straight off the vine. (As an aside, I bet you can imagine what our local sancti-parents think when I feed Boo blackberries picked from our urban playground. There goes that horrible man again, poisoning his daughter!)

Park Buddy brought some gorgeous blackberries on our beach adventure today. I was so determined that Boo should enjoy their berririficness that I took one, pretended to pick it from the tree next to our picnic table, and handed it to her. Lo! She actually ate it! (Some day she’ll discover that berries don’t grow on bishop pine trees, but until then, I’m golden!)

Thinking I’d convinced her that these were some tasty berries, I tried handing her the next one from the container, but Boo threw me a disgusted look, like I was the most pathetic bait-and-switch bunko artist ever known. Like I’m gonna fall for that, said her face. Gimme the real stuff.

So again I stood up, “picked” the berry from the tree and gave it to her, to much glee. All told, I got her to eat a half-dozen berries this way.

Enough of that! I moved on to the avocado, normally one of Boo’s favorite foods. Again with the scowl, though, and she gestured toward the tree.

“Well, Boo,” I stammered, “Avocados don’t grow on trees!”

“Well, dad, yes they do,” she said (mentally), and Park Buddy backed her up (verbally, chortlingly).

Outnumbered, I took a forkful of avocado and pulled it out of the tree. She ate it rapturously and looked at me for more. For the rest of the healthy part of the meal I had to pull every item down from the pine tree before she would eat it. We had tree cantaloupe, tree pear, tree rice cake, and the aforementioned tree avocado and tree blackberry, all served with convenient tree forks.

As I wiped Boo’s face with the tree napkin, she glanced up at me with an expression that said, quite clearly, “I can’t believe I actually made you do that!”

To which I could only say, “Get used to it, honey.”

Anyone know a chiropractor that treats men who have been wrapped around little girls’ fingers?