Scribbles, Stitches, and Big Bias-Cut Butts

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    Boo&#8217;s First Drawing
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I try to avoid “My Baby Is So DAMN Amazing” posts, because, really, what baby is not remarkable? Besides, reportage about every single new word, skill, or poop quality seems to be just about what Margaret Mason was talking about when she wrote No One Cares What You Had For Lunch.

Neverthess, I’m here to report a Boobaby milestone: this week, she discovered that you can put pen to paper and make art. She has entered the Craft Age.

Fittingly, I, too, discovered a craft this week: I went to a sewing class.

We had a sewing machine on our wedding registry — an “aspirational gift,” I guess — , and I’ve used it once or twice. Honestly, though, the darn thing scares me. When I sewed as a drama major in college, I needed explicit instruction and the promise of a hedonistic cast party to motivate me. And the costume folks were grateful that all my seams were on the inside of costumes to be viewed from 60 feet away, or else they’d never have let me do them in the first place.

So I needed some basic instruction to get me going on the machine, and I found it at a cute little place called Stitch Lounge in a hip, up-and-coming neighborhood.

I was the only man in the class: predictable, I guess, even for artsy-metrosexual San Francisco. Although no one looked too surprised by me, it was clear from the instructor’s patter that I was a bit of an outlier.

“This is the stitch you would use for a gathered area, like on a waistband, or for you ladies, on your bra.”

Does she think I’ve never seen a brassiere? I’ve been pretty much obsessed with bras and their potential removal since 7th grade! If anything, I bet I have more intimate knowledge of the vagaries of bra construction than many women!

I chuckled and let it pass, until she mentioned that bias-cut patterns can…

“…be stretchy, which is good for you ladies’ butts.'”

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    My First Stitches
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As it turns out, I don’t have a big butt, but neither did any of the women present. (Ahem… at least I don’t think they did, because, of course, I wasn’t looking.) The concept of “bias-cut patterns are good for areas that need a little stretch” is universal! Anyone here familar with bulging diapers?

Still, gender-bending aside, the class was fun. I learned basic machine use and made four, count ’em, four crappy stitches all by myself!

So this week I made my first stitches and Boobaby made her first scribbles. We were both awkward and tentative, but excited and filled with potential. And both events thrilled me so much that — going against my promise never to do this — I’ve written a true-blue my-baby-is-so-damn-amazing __post.

Except, of course, that I’ve added a clause:

My Baby is So DAMN Amazing Because She Can Draw,
AND I’m So DAMN Amazing Because I Can Sew!

So now you’ve got two reasons not to read this!

Too late.


In the interest of credit-where-credit-is-due, I should point out that although I’d been wanting to take a sewing class for a while, it wasn’t until Mike of Cry It Out told me about Stitch Lounge that I got off my ass to actually do it. Once again — Thanks, Mike!