Comments on: “You’re so good with kids. Now stop.” http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/ A San Francisco stay-at-home dad getting the hang of things. Sun, 02 Oct 2011 20:11:36 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Backpacking Dad http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/comment-page-1/#comment-10055 Backpacking Dad Mon, 09 Mar 2009 18:10:07 +0000 http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/#comment-10055 Oh god. I'm exactly the same way. This weekend we spent an evening at an uncle's house (he has five kids, the youngest 16 now, the oldest with a one-year old whose birthday party we were there for) and grandma came along to "help" with Erin, and to spend time with her. So I was supposed to be "off" duty. I tried to take that seriously. But it didn't always stick. At one point the 16 year old's friend asked me "So, do you just follow her around all day?" Because that's what I was doing. I wasn't making her pay attention to me, or getting in her way. But she was in a strange house and there were 20 people there and necessarily open doors and a dog and...well...I wasn't just worried about her safety but her GETTING INTO EVERYTHING, because that's her m.o. and I know it and I didn't want to come into a room to find that she had pulled the vase down from a table and stuck it on her head. It wasn't her environment and she wanted to explore it, and I wanted her to explore it, but she also needed someone just being "on duty". When grandma was "on duty" at one point I was in the sunken living room reading something. I heard some babbling and craned my head around toward the open front door and IN walked my daughter. IN. And grandma was in the kitchen talking to someone. There was a layered atmosphere there, in that house of five kids, that if there are enough bodies that means nothing can happen: there are enough eyes and everyone is taking turns. The one-year old was left alone for long periods of time (on her birthday, just sitting and looking around at the people ignoring her) because what's going to happen with that many people around? I can't flip that switch. Unless Emily is on duty I really do just kind of "follow her around all day." I'm interested in her. I know her. I'm responsible for her safetey and her education, and I can't relax just because someone tells me to. She walked IN the front door. Oh god. I’m exactly the same way.

This weekend we spent an evening at an uncle’s house (he has five kids, the youngest 16 now, the oldest with a one-year old whose birthday party we were there for) and grandma came along to “help” with Erin, and to spend time with her.

So I was supposed to be “off” duty. I tried to take that seriously. But it didn’t always stick. At one point the 16 year old’s friend asked me “So, do you just follow her around all day?”

Because that’s what I was doing. I wasn’t making her pay attention to me, or getting in her way. But she was in a strange house and there were 20 people there and necessarily open doors and a dog and…well…I wasn’t just worried about her safety but her GETTING INTO EVERYTHING, because that’s her m.o. and I know it and I didn’t want to come into a room to find that she had pulled the vase down from a table and stuck it on her head. It wasn’t her environment and she wanted to explore it, and I wanted her to explore it, but she also needed someone just being “on duty”.

When grandma was “on duty” at one point I was in the sunken living room reading something. I heard some babbling and craned my head around toward the open front door and IN walked my daughter.

IN. And grandma was in the kitchen talking to someone.

There was a layered atmosphere there, in that house of five kids, that if there are enough bodies that means nothing can happen: there are enough eyes and everyone is taking turns. The one-year old was left alone for long periods of time (on her birthday, just sitting and looking around at the people ignoring her) because what’s going to happen with that many people around?

I can’t flip that switch. Unless Emily is on duty I really do just kind of “follow her around all day.” I’m interested in her. I know her. I’m responsible for her safetey and her education, and I can’t relax just because someone tells me to.

She walked IN the front door.

]]> By: busy-dad-e http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/comment-page-1/#comment-10052 busy-dad-e Mon, 09 Mar 2009 15:22:39 +0000 http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/#comment-10052 You could say, politely, "Excuse me, but nature calls." If your mother-in-law asks what you're doing when you go attend to the kids instead of the bathroom, you can reply, "this is my nature." You could say, politely, “Excuse me, but nature calls.” If your mother-in-law asks what you’re doing when you go attend to the kids instead of the bathroom, you can reply, “this is my nature.”

]]> By: doodaddy http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/comment-page-1/#comment-10058 doodaddy Tue, 30 Nov 1999 07:00:00 +0000 http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/#comment-10058 <a href='#comment-10052' rel="nofollow">@busy-dad-e</a> - Nice one. I'm never so clever, though, sadly... @busy-dad-e – Nice one. I’m never so clever, though, sadly…

]]> By: doodaddy http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/comment-page-1/#comment-10059 doodaddy Tue, 30 Nov 1999 07:00:00 +0000 http://doodaddy.net/2009/03/09/youre-so-good-with-kids-now-stop/#comment-10059 <a href='#comment-10055' rel="nofollow">@Backpacking Dad</a> - Wow... epic comment, and epic story. I wish I could cite diffusion of responsibility, but in my case, the kids were perfectly safe: it was more a behavior thing. I try really hard not to set Boo up for a failure: to set her at a kids' table after a wild and energetic day without any direct supervision counts as "being set up for failure." Still, it's not as clear-cut as a pure safety issue, where I would indeed have run from across the room. Did that earlier in the day, in fact, when it appeared that Boo had been sent down a steep trail to the beach by herself. (She hadn't actually, but still.) @Backpacking Dad – Wow… epic comment, and epic story. I wish I could cite diffusion of responsibility, but in my case, the kids were perfectly safe: it was more a behavior thing. I try really hard not to set Boo up for a failure: to set her at a kids’ table after a wild and energetic day without any direct supervision counts as “being set up for failure.”

Still, it’s not as clear-cut as a pure safety issue, where I would indeed have run from across the room. Did that earlier in the day, in fact, when it appeared that Boo had been sent down a steep trail to the beach by herself. (She hadn’t actually, but still.)

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