Daddy Boobs

by doodaddy on January 9, 2009

The Blueberry only settled to her bottle when I told her that Fonzie was Jewish.

Blueberry with her bottle I fed her for the first time yesterday, and predictably, Blue wasn’t thrilled with Nipple 2.0. It’s part of my long and boring backstory that I take care of wild animals from time to time, so I’ve had to coax rubber tubes into protesting infant mouths a gazillion times.

Feeding baby girl, sad to say, feels about the same as feeding baby seal. Less furry. Smells the same, though.

You have to reach a special brand of firmgentleslow to get any new baby to take to a bottle, and I swear, I was getting there. But it took me a shamefully long time to remember one trick you get to use with a baby that’s verboten with seals: singing. And when I did, tragically, only one song from my painfully flat repertoire popped into my head and wouldn’t leave: The Hanukkah Song.

You know it, right? Adam Sandler, sort of a power ballad except that it’s not?

I’ve often said that anything’s a lullaby, so I gamely launched into a morose version of all the lyrics I could remember. And Blue? It only took my mentioning the native faith of both Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock for her to look up adoringly, seize that BPA-free nipple, and feed.

And so, just four weeks from mom-goes-back-to-work day, we’ve got ourselves a girl who will take the bottle. And just perhaps I’ll spend a little time coming up with a different song to sing her.

On the other hand, if it works…

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tagged as , in Blueberry,Challenges,food ·

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Rattling the Kettle January 9, 2009 at 12:32 pm

I hope you get a harmonica.


Nan January 10, 2009 at 6:23 pm

I have fed many, many baby animals with tiny bottles, syringes, droppers, fingers, tweezers and glass thingamies, and LORD it made me so grateful to have boobs when I had my very own babies. When we had the baby manicous in July, I had to buy several different brands of formula at the pharmacy and I wanted to wear a shirt with a disclaimer : “This formula not purchased for human consumption”.


doodaddy January 10, 2009 at 6:28 pm

@Rattling the Kettle – I’ll play it for you in Tijuanakkah.


doodaddy January 10, 2009 at 6:30 pm

@Nan – Should’ve just brought the animals in!


Adam January 12, 2009 at 7:19 am

Great post.

I have been practicing feeding with our friends’ baby that we babysit as often as possible. I have never done it before and my wife taught me some tips. Even though she plans on breastfeeding, there will be plenty of bottle action going on as well at our house.

I like the tip singing something you know to get them to latch on. Thanks!


Gail January 12, 2009 at 12:24 pm

It’s my first time finding you — nice blog! My wife did the learn-to-bottle-feed thing when our daughter (now 2.5) was about a month old. She found taking off her shirt helpful, but I don’t think she ever thought of singing about the fonz.


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