My Funny Noun Stash
Posted on October 17th, 2008 in goofiness, language
I only discovered this today, but I think I’ve done it most of my life: I carry around a bag of funny nouns.
The topic on the playground carousel was Halloween costumes. Boo, as you’ll remember, is going to be a pink UPS Man. We learned who was going to be Spiderman and who a race car driver, and then we came to R–, a three-year old who’s a good sport and humors my jokes.
“What are you going to be for Halloween, R—?” I asked, but quickly interrupted during the slight pause while she marshaled her words with a guess: “Are you going to be a park bench?”
“Nooo-ho-ho-oo!” she laughed. I live for that little-kid version of “No” where they chortle the O into four or five syllables.
“Are you going to be a rutabaga?”
“No!”
“A walrus?”
“No!”
“A pot roast?”
“No!”
Well, you get the idea. After the joke had worn itself out (which takes a pleasantly long time with a little kid — I think I’d risk a career change into stand-up comedy if I could ensure audiences from the under-6 set), she finally informed me that she was to be a princess. (Erp! In our family we spell out the word “princess” like it’s profanity so as to keep Boo from hearing it too much.)
What I discovered about myself, though, was that I have a list of these semi-goofy yet clean nouns at my immediate command all the time, just for such occasions. I collect and use ‘em like candy to liven up “Guess what?” games — rutabaga, in particular, seems to show up a lot.
Now that the presence of this “oddment stash” has risen to my conscious mind, it’s time to expose and expand it! Here’s my current silly noun list, guaranteed to evoke laughter or confusion or derision (or all three) in small children:
- magic toenails
- blubber
- platypus
- funicular
- pink parakeet
- nose hair
Got any others? I can always use some more.
Yeah, I Twitter, don't laugh. 
October 17th, 2008 8:03 am
The Evil Genius went through a (thankfully) brief phase where everything was given the platypus treatment - there was a platycat, platyvan, platymommy, platydaddy - you get the picture.
Phlebotomist is a fun one. So are: Avuncular, picklebottom, blunzer (bonus points if you know what that is), hooligan, oddment, spanakopita, whiffle, ouch that hurts, fart, snotface, nose-nuggets, and just about anything related to bodily functions.
How lovely that you aren’t attached to “proper” words and their uses - I bet the kids with whom you play will have a better love for and appreciation of language and wordplay when they’re grown.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
October 17th, 2008 3:23 pm
I go for the rude ones: Dog poo, cow pat, boogy, that sort of stuff.
October 18th, 2008 2:08 pm
Ok, I don’t know if I can even spell these…
snuffaluffagus - my favorite all time word to try to get new talking children to say…you get all kinds of good variations
This one, I made it up, don’t know if I can spell but again, it is good for new talkers
hootinsnagerfollywagger
Sorry! That’s the best I can do.
October 18th, 2008 3:57 pm
I definitely need to expand my vocabulary. The only thing I can think of is “brattimus maximus”, which we use to describe certain behaviors.
October 18th, 2008 10:09 pm
I get by cues from “Bulbous Bouffant” by The Vestibules. Gazeebo, galoshes, mucklucks all crack me up every time.
October 22nd, 2008 11:11 am
@Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas - For some reason galoshes puts me in mind of Donald Duck…
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