I explained that I haven’t written about him specifically as I don’t call people by names and if he had a guilty conscious, then this…this was not my problem. He said I could either fix it or he would one….

I fully suspect my house to burn down the next I”m away from home and my mom is as well…when he knows there’s no one around. And, by that, I mean, I checked my insurance policy the next day and I’ve been hoarding pictures in backing up computer photos on CD’s, burning them and putting them in fire proof case. I truly to expect something to happen…he might stop with just busting out the windows on our cars, we shall see, but he is that crazy….and it was a full moon.

Yep.

He gets angry. He used to do it wherever I was in the house, but I would haul him to his room and dump him there. When he came out, I did it again. Sometimes he’d throw toys at the door. I confiscated them for a month. He would slam the door. I would lock it. Sometimes he would forget why he was angry and just keep on because he couldn’t help it, angry for anger’s sake. I didn’t say a word, and I didn’t allow him to wrench me into his fugue state. I just responded to his actions and escalations as calmly consistently as I could – even when I wanted to stuff him down a rabbit hole or throw him into a tub full of ice water.

He learned that screaming, flailing, hitting, biting, crying, the tricks of the tantrum trade, made no difference – Mommy is a heartless, unrelenting wench.

Once or twice, I lost my cool and administered a spanking, or told him he was being an ass, or told him I was throwing away all his toys. Not proud moments. I wish I could take them back. I hope he won’t remember them.

Now, when he’s angry, he removes himself from the source. Sometimes he can calm himself down, sometimes he needs to yell and flail…but he goes to his room to do it (or, at someone else’s house, he finds an unoccupied room). Eventually, he will emerge and talk to me about why he was angry. It may take hours, but I leave him to his process. Often, while he is processing, I consider the merits of a stiff drink…but I only consider.

They fight us when they think it will be effective. They fight us when they can’t find the words or actions to express their disappointment, anger, hurt, or bewilderment. They fight us when they are hopped up on sugar, wired, coming down, or feel like they are being denied a choice, control, the ability to live the life they want.

No fear…you’ll both learn how to weather these storms until she gets the hang of her emotional self. And then the teen years begin…

Shade and Sweetwater,
K (If I ever learn to give a short answer, I’m certain the world will rejoice!)

Personally, I like to just sit on the floor when my 2 year old is having a tantrum. That way I’m near him if he decides he wants to stop screaming and cuddle instead, but I’m not actively doing anything to make him stop. These days, he almost always gives in immediately and crawls into my lap for cuddles.

I just wasn’t prepared for her rage– Noise had tantrums, but not the scary scream-fests that Funk has. Every kid is so different. When she tantrums, it is like watching a house on fire, and I think it scares us both. It makes it way harder to stick to my “no” than it ever was with Noise.

I knew she got it when she said, “mommy, if I scream and cry, I don’t get what I want.” So profound from a four year old. She knew her behavior would result in a consequence. I cried with her because you hate to see your child like that but she is strong willed sometimes and I had to show her that mommy was not backing down. We do not get rewarded for in appropriate behavior.

You will get through this. Congrats!

You won by not backing down by using bribery and made a point that it didn’t matter how long it went on for, you would stand fast. You taught her a lesson without it requiring serious consequences. You were there for her every step of the way, offering her support and comfort, but let her work it out herself.

She also won as she eventually got through this without any humiliation or emotional bruises. She learned a lesson by being left alone to work it out for herself. You just taught her accountability, negotiation skills (or what NOT to do in negotiations) and hopefully, respect.

Good job! (Have you seen Hancock yet? Heh)