Mashly Ashley, and other twists of my dotty mind

by doodaddy on April 27, 2008

One way to keep yourself sane as a parent is to foster a wickedly demented inner voice.

It all started in our music class. For one song, everyone sings one kid’s name, then the teacher chimes in with an activity that rhymes with the name. Like so:

“I know a boy whose name is Lance…”
“And he likes to sing and dance.”

Harmless enough? Well, the first time our teacher used my daughter as an example (and you’ll all know her real name by now), she sang as her reply:

“And she likes to hold the urn!”

Then she got all embarrassed about it, I suppose because of the implication that Boobaby plays around with her grandma’s ashes. I shrugged it off, but ever since then I haven’t been able to rid myself of reprobate rhymes.

The class will sing “I know a boy whose name is Jackson!” and my brain (not my mouth) will immediately leap in with the reply: “You go out and sell that crack, son!” In my head, poor Jacob has spent his life wearing makeup, and I silently instructed Sue to hold her breath until she turns blue. (Mostly I’m not witty or quick: for Ashley the best I could come up with was that her potatoes were mashly.)

I worry about these involuntary thought-spasms sometimes, to the point where I can even be ashamed of what I’ve thought. Not that I ever come up with anything mean or vindictive; the talking dwarf inside my head is more absurd than anything else. It just bothers me that I have a hidden maniac streak unseen by all.

Gotta let that dog out more often.

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tagged as , in fears,language ·

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

sugarplumsmom April 27, 2008 at 7:55 pm

If Mashly is the worse you can come up with… I don’t think you have much to worry about in the evil thoughts department. :)

Reply

Kelley April 28, 2008 at 2:40 am

Do me! Do me!

Um, hang on that didn’t come out right… you know rhyme my name..

Reply

doodaddy April 28, 2008 at 3:35 am

Really, Kelley? You *really* want me to rhyme something with your name? C’mon — you were in Grade 4, I assume — what did the boys rhyme with your name?

OK, fine. Just for you, I won’t jump to smelly. A very special down under version:

“I know a sheila whose name is Kelley…”
“She lives in a country with no good delis!”

Reply

Helen April 28, 2008 at 9:34 am

LOL!

Give us more!! I can’t think of anything that rhymes with my name except melon.

Reply

doodaddy April 28, 2008 at 9:37 am

Xbox already came up with “Felon,” but let’s go a little deeper…

“I know a girl whose name is Helen!”
“I think she kissed a boy but she ain’t tellin’!”

Reply

Amber April 28, 2008 at 9:56 am

This reminds me of Princess Bride…

“No More rhyming now, I mean it”
“Anybody got a peanut?”

Reply

Xbox4NappyRash April 28, 2008 at 11:02 am

Felon…

Reply

Jessica April 28, 2008 at 11:50 am

Ashley is a hard one.

Don’t worry about it. We are all a little demented inside.

Reply

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