Hot for Nanny

by doodaddy on June 13, 2007

I arrived late at the playground and found it full of unfamiliar, seamy characters.

There was one guy who looked nice enough with a baby girl just about Boo’s age, so I tried to steer our play over in his direction. Every time we got near them, though, dad veered off toward one of the nanny-toddler pairings, leaving me in the dust of his swings.

It was “parallel play,” adult-style: he was on the swings, I was on the swings. He was in the bushes, I was in the bushes. He was in the sandbox, I was in the sandbox.

I was about to take offense when I suddenly saw on his face…

The Look.

The Look, for those of you who don’t yet know, is the expression of lustful intent so common in boys from middle school on. Most of us lose The Look by the time we’re contentedly married and starting families, and those that don’t at least learn to mask it — usually by yawning or sneezing just at the right time.

“Wow, honey,” our wives might comment. “Did you see that hoochie mamma just walk by?”

“Oh, no, sorry, dear — I was busy tying my shoelace.”

So Mr. Slick wasn’t steering his child away from me, he was steering her toward the hottest of the babysitters, and being pretty obvious about it, I might add. Middle-aged empty-nesters need not apply — this dude was targeting the 20-something aspiring singer-songwriters and fine arts students.

What they lack in maternal instinct they make up for in tight tank tops.

Oddly enough, Mr. Slick was getting a fair bit of play, albeit in a sort of dispassionate, pity-conversation kind of way. Just think: if he’d been willing to hang out with me instead of the scantinannies, I’d have been able to regale him with my considerable wit and fancy stories about poop!

Hm. Maybe he was onto something after all.

Still… he’s got to fix his face: The Look doesn’t play well after 30.

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in oddparents,playground,scantinannies ·

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Blog Antagonist June 13, 2007 at 10:18 am

Ew. I hate to see men with that look. It’s so….lecherous. Not that we don’t look, we’re just more discreet. And for the record, even if you’re adept at masking the look, we know what you’re thinking. ;?)

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Ann Marie June 13, 2007 at 4:07 pm

EWWWW.. nasty.
Every now and then the waterman slips up and says something out loud about someone on tv.. it is cute. Because he immediately looks at me and says something equally as cute like.. but she isn’t as hot as my wife. knowing good and well that I haven’t looked that good.. well.. EVER.
I am sorry but middleage men after 20 year old nannies with their babies in tow just .. well JUST.. come on now.

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aimee/greeblemonkey June 13, 2007 at 9:19 pm

Yuck!

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chicago pop April 23, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Doodaddy, you are the master psychologist of the play park. It is a strange place indeed. Maybe guys like this are why some moms seem uncomfortable with a dad alone with his son at a play park. No, I don’t use my child to scamm … my dog, maybe, but not my child…

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doodaddy April 23, 2008 at 4:03 pm

Aw, thanks. I like to eavesdrop. And judge. And then blog.

It’s a bad combination!

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Inventing Matilda May 21, 2008 at 7:54 pm

This dad will have lots of time to work out his game face…after the divorce. He should also consider, before he wrecks his marriage, that young nannies aren’t really in the place in their lives to have illicit flings with married, middle aged men who have “playtime with the kid in the park” confused with “chasing tail at a club”…and “the look” confused with “coming off as a dirty older man with no life or tact.”
-Inventing Matilda

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doodaddy May 21, 2008 at 8:05 pm

Oddly enough, I don’t think that “consider” was in his vocabulary… along with “think,” “respect,” and “eeeew, you’re a weirdo”!

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